Very important and true facts

Here are some very important facts which I thought it was, to be honest, my absolute duty to share with the internet. You may know these facts, you may have your own similar ones or you may feel totally enlightened by this list. It’s anyone guess really.

1. When it is your period (guess this is a fact for girls only. If you are having a period as guy: something is very wrong. Seriously. Stop reading this and seek medical attention), when it is your period it is ok to eat ALL THE CHOCOLATE IN THE WORLD. It may be a cliche but dammit it’s a true one. In fact, it’s ok to eat all the foods. Really, all of them. Snacks are your friend in this turbulent time.

2. If you buy Jack Daniels sauce and it reveals itself to be a totally different product to the Jack Daniels sauce you get at Harvester: do NOT add actual Jack Daniels to it in the hope that ‘all it was missing was a bit of an alcohol kick’. This is incorrect and will lead to nothing but sadness and pain (like, seriously, it’s a kind of burning sensation in your throat).

3. It’s fine to instead just drink some Jack Daniels. (Now I’m wondering if if I mention it enough they’ll give me some for free. I should just start listing alcohols. There’s a thrilling blog post.)

4. Kids’ cereal is the best cereal. It’s a simple fact. Also, if you try to be grown-up for once and buy adult food such as Maltie Wheaties (not their real name) all you’ll really achieve is knowing what eating potato sacks is like.

5. Cheese is the best food.

6. (I just realised these are pretty much all about food. Fact 6 should probably be ‘apparently I’m obsessed with food’. But it isn’t) You should always be wary about men with a surname that is really just a first name. Like Pete John. Or Jim Andrew. Whatever. Just be careful, it’s proved true many a time – I’m open to being proved wrong about this but, you know, so far I haven’t been.

7. Apparently it still totally counts as camping when there’s electrical plugs and hair straighteners. I am doubtful.

8. It’s really hard to keep coming up with facts even though the world is FULL of facts. This may be due to the painkillers. Mind you, they may have written this entire post.

9. The world is mostly floor. Think on it.


I was not made for this…

… freezing cold weather!!

It’s SO cold. And it’s only September. This doesn’t seem right at all.

I’m sitting here in my living room, legs crossed under me, trying to steal my own warmth for my poor feet, and even the Snuggie that I just received from my mum (She won it in a Tombola after I’d been eyeing it up all day – she offered it to the cats first but when they didn’t want it she said I could have it. She may be joking. Or she may not.) isn’t enough to keep me warm! Damn.

I’ve been watching a TV show set in Maine lately and it looks so beautiful that it’s making me want to move there. I am ignoring one little fact: if I can’t handle THIS weather, I don’t think I’d last long in Maine. I’d have just enough time to appreciate the beauty before I froze into a girl-shaped popsicle.

On the plus side I did buy some dinosaur soap the other day. That is cheering me up immensely. I guess people may not know what dinosaur soap is.

It’s this:

I know this is a terrible photo. Sorry. And yes that is my new Snuggie as the backdrop.

I took that just now on my webcam. It looks ever so much better in real life. It looks awesome. My photography teacher would be rocking back and forth in shame if she could see this.

Anyway. It occurred to me that I should credit this. I bought it at a local craft fair but this is the Ebay store belonging to his maker:

She only had goldfish ones when I looked but they were pretty cool too. She also sells lingerie… if you wanted to know that. I haven’t used my soap yet but for looks alone: DUDE!

Keep going!

I have every intention of maintaining this blog in a nice regular way. And yet today I find myself faced with total apathy and no motivation whatsoever.

I really struggle with motivation. Tomorrow I’m supposed to help at the Fresher’s Fair with the fencing stall. I really don’t feel like going. The fact that we’ve just been told to meet at 9 am with no further instruction isn’t helping. My schedule lately has been more ‘sleep from 4am til 1pm’ which isn’t good but there we go.

Also if it’s going on all day surely we don’t need 20 people to rock up at 9? There won’t be enough for everyone to do. Would shift work not be better? I suppose I should be saying this to them but there’s already enough cooks wading around in that broth without me jumping in.

I’d like to justify my apathy partly by saying I do actually have a cold and feel pretty rough. My limbs feel all weak and I feel a bit spacey. Also I’m too damn introspective. I suppose I wouldn’t be doing this blog if I weren’t. Eesh.